2018 already started out differently to every other year I have lived: I wrote a list of goals. I titled this list, ‘Stuff I’d like to get done’, so that I didn’t get caught up in the high expectations the word ‘Goal” can put on certain people (I’m a certain person). The list covered all basic areas of a normal life: health, marriage, motherhood and personal.
I didn’t tick all the boxes or kick all the “goals” (insert cringe at the G word). Lucky for me, the list is malleable, because a certain person (I’m a certain person) listed things that were definitely achievable…over a long period of time. The list is not on a timeline, more a lifeline. The chances are I’ll add to it more than I tick things off. Maybe the items will change altogether as I change.
In saying all of that, this year has undoubtedly been my best year yet on a personal level. I had my second child, a daughter, and with that a second opportunity to experience a new type of love. This love was not an overpowering, mind-altering love from the moment she exited my body, (I have actually had birth described to me this way), no, for me love is not instantaneous it is developed. Every day, with each smile and cry we are building our love (I’m currently at the stage of love where I go a bit goo goo gah gah. It’s embarrassing).
Next up I committed to starting my bachelor degree which has taken up space in my mind that regret has always inhabited (I wish I’d gone straight in after high school…. I think). Studying at this level has forced me to find more time (without the use of time travel), and encouraged me to aim a little higher than average. Studying again is much easier now that it’s in something I actually appreciate. I’m not studying to build a career or make more money; I’m doing it to better myself and to build my knowledge and skills in something I enjoy, writing.
Then work happened. Returning to work this year was an unexpected opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. Landing a job back in the mining industry in a role I have been interested in for some time has been positive in many ways. It provided my husband with an opportunity to be a stay at home dad while I transitioned back into the workforce. Spending quality time with Hazel and being the full-time homemaker has instilled in him a new appreciation for the role of the full-time carer and also how lucky we are to have the opportunity to spend more time at home with our children. Work life has added a new structure to our busy lives, but most importantly has given me new confidence. Deciding to leave the workforce to become a stay at home mum can be daunting; I wondered if I would ever work in a comparable capacity again or have the opportunity to feel important outside of my children’s peripherals. The answer is yes. I can. I am. I do.
Bonus round. Since having a baby, studying and returning to work, I wondered how I would find time to drop the baby weight and get to a place physically that felt right for me. Admittedly my happy place has changed. My body is shaped differently after baby number two and my view of what I see and feel is attractive has changed. I started back at the gym, running, and eating a structured diet, hoping to lose weight. I did. I am. What I gained, however, was an entirely new lifestyle. It’s not just my body that has changed, increasing my confidence, but the choices I’m making towards food and alcohol. Seeing results is a huge motivator for me, for most I imagine. With the help of my husband, I’ve reached my goal weight, I feel strong and healthy. I run now, daily and actually enjoy it (sounds gross). I relish my dearly loved wine and eggs benedict on weekends (not together, mostly). I’ve always tried to do things the quick and easy way, really all I needed was consistency (doesn’t run in my family). I feel fucking awesome!
This year I’ve had to step outside my comfort zone. I’ve had to apply myself. I’ve had to try. All things my High School teachers said I should do if I want to achieve great things (insert eye roll).
For the last few years, my new year resolution has been to be a better version of myself. I’ve fallen short, a lot.
2018 put a rocket up my backside and with that, I welcome 2019 with fireworks.
2019 will have me celebrating seven years of blissful marriage with the love of my life; my study buddy, my personal trainer, my yogi, my therapist, my forever up when I feel as though I might be forever down.
2019 will see my big little boy Orlando start Kindergarten and my baby Hazel start daycare.
2019 will hopefully see me run further, study smarter, work less, love more.
2019 will be a test of consistency with a dash of increased bravery.
2019 will see more writing.
2019 will be welcomed with wine.
Happy new year to those of you that like, share and follow my creative writing journey and wine antics.
May your wines be without flies.