This thing

I wonder what it is about us Mums: 

What is the thing that keeps getting us out of bed in the dark hours? 

No, it is not our kids, 

It is our kids – 

but they are not the thing inside us that keep us going, 

they are the reason we need the thing inside us. 

What is that thing called? 

I’ve heard it be called patience, 

perseverance, 

gusto, 

fire, 

obligation, 

motherhood. 

These are all things – sure

But not quite the word I am looking for.

When I was a teen you couldn’t get me out of bed.

When I was in my twenties I contemplated death.

Then I was reborn into motherhood

Suddenly I became more that I’ve ever understood

I am the mother bird with worms in her mouth

I am a house 

they are the trap 

and I am the mouse 

and I can’t help myself 

I keep falling 

and I keep reaching 

for the cheese 

and yes I may partner it with wine 

but I do everything I do because of these babies of mine 

but what is that thing, this thing, 

that pushes me when I have nothing left in the tank,

when I am sunk and have sank? 

What is keeping me afloat? 

Is it love? 

Could it be so? 

Did I not have love in my life before? 

Perhaps I did, but not so hard core? 

Did I need more and now I have it?  

Should I not complain,

about all the annoying moments that come after the labour pains? 

What is the thing that puts my hair up in a mum bun,

gets me out for a run, 

gets me to wipe my children’s bums? (in public toilets no less) – 

What is this thing that helps me wash away your spew

and still have the patience to console you? 

The thing that has me lining up for that sold out toy, 

anything to bring you joy. 

You cry at me 

and to me 

and I can’t always make you happy 

but I try –

some days I can not figure out why.

What is the thing keeping me from locking the door, 

falling to the floor 

and screaming no more – Just for a second. 

What is this thing? 

I cannot put my finger on it, or give it a name, 

But I have it, all the same.

This thing that keeps me in the game.

I have it. Luckily, I have it.

 

And you have it to.

 

Keep going mamma.

T x

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