To my two, soon to be three children,
I’m not sorry that I took the “easy way out” to bring you into this world.
I’m not sorry that it took a knife carving through my skin, abdomen, and uterus to have you placed safely in my arms.
I’m not sorry that I was stapled across my abdomen to close up the cut that, despite what people may think, is not actually bigger than a baby’s body. They still had to yank you out one shoulder at a time, one arm, the other arm, and one leg, than the other.
I’m not sorry that I didn’t have to push a watermelon out of my vagina, but what can I say, having major surgery just seemed, well you know, to be the “easy way out”.
I’m not sorry that I didn’t get an influx of endorphins flood through me when you were birthed from a slit across my abdomen. It turns out I didn’t need them. I had you. You had me. And together, we birthed our own endorphins.
I’m not sorry that taking the “easy way out” meant staying in hospital longer than all the other mothers. I’m not sorry that I saw women come and go with their newborns, while I had my pressure stockings changed daily and was attached to a drainage tube to prevent clotting, and a catheter because I was unable to walk to a toilet.
It wasn’t great, but I’m not sorry.
I’m not sorry that you were so comfortable inside my tummy that you needed a team of people to manhandle you into this world.
I’m not sorry that taking the “easy way out” meant pumping my body full of drugs to prevent me from going into shock, and to stop me from feeling the Doctors slice through my body. (I’m ok with that).
I’m not sorry that I had major abdominal surgery (yes, its classified as a major surgery) to keep you alive; to keep me alive: so that I could be here to love you.
I’m absolutely not sorry for how empowered I felt and feel for growing you, carrying you and YES birthing you into this world.
I’m not sorry that taking the “easy way out” means that I have you here with me now;
To love you.
I’ll never be sorry for that.
Mum x
Dear Mums,
never be sorry for how you choose to bring your children into this world. You and your baby are all that matters.
T x
FlyInMyWine 