Imagine feeling too insecure to be a better version of yourself: to grow.
I know I’m not alone in this. I know I’m not the only one that has been afraid to try new things or change my opinions or persona.
Recently a friend said to me, ‘Who even are you?’ and I laughed, and smiled, and I actually felt quite proud. I told her I’m evolving, because that’s how it feels.
This was over the smallest thing, makeup. (Yep, make-up).
Ever since doing a recent photo shoot under the restrictions of social distancing and having to apply my own make-up (nightmare moment), I’ve become a teeny tiny bit obsessed about how I’m changing, and how I’m ok with it.
After doing my silly little, “I’ve got no idea what I’m doing” make-up tutorial before the photo-shoot, I’ve been unpacking my relationship with make-up, or should I say my resistance to it.
I don’t wear make-up, and I never really have. Overtime I have become more insecure while wearing makeup for social events, because I wasn’t confidant in applying it. Being a woman that doesn’t wear make-up became apart of my identity, similar to depression (I unpacked that a long time go). But the thought of being someone that does wears make-up, I’m now realising, was provoking my fear of not being different.
Sounds so silly now, because with or without make-up, I’m still different. I’m still the only me. And lets be honest, who gives a shit? Wear it, don’t wear it; the only person that cares is you (or in this case, me).
During this strange cocoon shedding, I have seen my make-up artist friends (and they are artists) start to beam as they see my interest grow. They feed me basic and hilarious tutorials to slowly build my skill set. They have been giving me samples and make-up starter kits to get me on my way. My shedding is another opportunity for them to shine. And I am in awe with their knowledge and their smiles as they talk and teach what they truly love. They have worked their magic on me, and honestly every time I see their gorgeous faces I think, wow imagine looking like that all day, amazing.
So basically, I didn’t know how to apply make-up and was too lazy to commit to learning and so brainwashed myself into believing that not wearing make-up made me special in some way (Gross. 34 years of shameful wasted energy).
But after just one tutorial, a few key basic make-up products, and forced social distancing, I’ve learned how to apply make-up without looking like a clown threw up on me (I think).
In saying that, I’m not going to start wearing it everyday, I don’t have the time, and I don’t really love the feeling of it on my face for too long.
But I do love the feeling of getting over this weird make-up shame that has sat with me for so long. It feels good to have finally figured out that it actually isn’t as hard as I thought it was (sort of). This whole experience is like a small drop in a big pond of my insecurities and the ripples are warning signs saying, ‘I’m coming for you, watch out world’.
We only have this one life, I don’t want to spend any more time missing out on things because I’m too afraid to try them, or because I think I have to stay the same forever.
Nothing stays the same forever.
Definitely not our faces.
Have you let yourself evolve in some way lately?
Are you letting go of old insecurities?