The lover, is of course, a role that has many faces: doom, gloom, joy and jitterbugs.
Such the transformative role is that of the lover. The way we love as children, as teenagers and adults are all so different; each a strange new skin we grow into.
I grew up in a happy home but nonetheless grew up normalising bickering and big blow-ups. Sure, I’ve heard my mum and dad drop a few F bombs at each other every once and a while as I was growing up (mainly when we were going on holidays). My father always wanted to take his golf clubs, filling up all the room in the car boot. My mother’s logic (we all knew he wouldn’t have a chance to use the golf clubs and was just taking up space for no reason) would turn to frustration. Not to mention that trying to get the clubs into the boot would mean leaving later than the usual thirty minutes early that my family was accustomed to. We were always early, everywhere (being early has been deeply instilled in me and I am always the early person, too early). This then resulted in my parents fighting half the way to our holiday destination. It is kind of the running joke now: the holiday blow-ups.
I digress. My point is, I grew up with the notion that it’s perfectly healthy to scream at your partner and call them names sometimes. And so when I found myself in a relationship where we regularly screamed and called each other every name under the sun, pointed fingers in faces and hurt each other’s feelings, I thought it was normal. I thought it was love.
This is still widely thought by some, and hey, each to their own.
My now husband showed me a different love.
I had to unlearn all of my bad behaviours. I had to love myself and learn my worth. I had to turn off all the tapes that told me if he wasn’t fighting back, than he didn’t really love me.
I realised that fire in your belly isn’t always a sign of passion and true love; sometimes it’s a sign that you’re on fire, and you need to get help, immediately.
Love. I love, love.
There are so many varieties and textures and flavours.
It’s hopeful and heart breaking.
It’s up and it’s down.
It’s you and it’s me.
The transformative role of the lover is about growing through the experiences that have birthed and burned us, and blossom into the women that are worthy of love, both giving and receiving.
As a woman, I’ll always be the lover in some capacity: to my children, my husband and most importantly, myself.
P.s Guess what, my new book is coming out soon and will be ready for pre-order on the 8th of April. I am beyond excited to launch SHE: a collection of you, me, her.
Keep an eye out for a few sneak peeks.