My children are teaching me to like siblings.

I’m not a fan of siblings. This is no secret. And I don’t mean that I don’t really like groups of people that are related to each other, no, I mean I don’t like the idea of people having children, for other children. I’ve never been backwards in coming forwards in my opinion that clearly states, that siblings are unnecessary. (It’s ok. Take a breath).

I feel (have felt) so strongly about this that I even wrote a personal essay titled “The unnecessary Sibling” for a university assignment. It got top marks (just saying).

I have siblings…lots! (I had no say in this).

I have in fact, also created siblings (this was by choice).

Siblings are the product of me not being able to resist having a second child. I wanted to be pregnant again. I wanted to have another baby in my arms. So my husband and I said yes to baby number two, sweet baby Hazel.

All sweetness aside, being a sibling was forced on me in many ways. I’m from a large extended family. I’m one of roughly (yes this is a guesstimate) thirteen children (aaahhhh now you get it).

That large number of children is from a few different mums and a couple of different dads. My biological father was a bit of a “ladies man”…approx. eight ladies (ladies loved a tan man in the 80’s).

I’ve got both half and step brothers and sisters. Whilst I absolutely love some of them (the ones I know and have met and lived with my whole life), it was noticed pretty early on that I would be quite happy to be an only child (my mum can verify this).

So when I knew I wanted a second baby, I was scared. I was angry. How could I go against everything I’ve always resented? My son was too little to be asked such a big question, “would you like a little brother or sister?”. Don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness of asking a child that question in your cutesy voice (I’ve done it, and I’m judging me also).

Cluck cluck went the chicken

I wanted another baby and so that was that. I’ve had both my children for me, and if they grow to hate each other, such is life. As long as they love me, then their relationship is their own (yes I’m that selfish…or am I?).

My babies are one (almost two) and newly five. I don’t even want to think about what things will be like when they are teenagers, but right now, they love each other. They are cute and kind and loving towards each other (mostly).

My mind twitch’s a little at photos of moments like these, when all I wanted was a picture of them together and Hazel slings her arm around Orlando’s neck and rests her head against his. That’s all her. He doesn’t pull away but instead revels in her cuteness, that’s all him.

It’s true, having a girl has softened me. Whatever that means.

Despite how many siblings I have, I never really had that. I never at such a young age, had a younger or older brother or sister sling their arm around me and make me feel special, and in turn, I was a pretty shitty older sister to my baby sister. I was a product of my previous sibling experiences. It’s only now, as an adult that I’m building relationships with some of my siblings, and this suits me, however unfortunate it might be for my baby sister to have had a shitty sibling experience. No doubt she’ll have hundreds of babies to make up for it and all will be right with the world (I hope).

But I see Hazel and Orlando and their natural affection for each other (when it suits them) and it’s a new and beautiful experience for me. I know I said I don’t care if they hate each other one day, but the more I see them love each other, the more I’m sure it will break my heart if Hazel stops slinging her arm around Orlando, and he stops accepting it with love.

I’m still growing, I promise.

I’m still growing, and my opinions can change. I still believe that the decision to create more children should be based on the desire of the parent to raise more children, but if giving a child a “friend” is your motivation, I guess that’s not so bad either.

It’s true what they say: children teach us things about ourselves.

What have your children taught you?

T x