Mind Wide Shut

I want to speak. I do speak, a lot, but more so out of turn. Perhaps I over speak. With a wine in one hand I could compete in a speaking marathon. But am I really saying anything. What are these words that spill out of my mouth and what form do these words take on before they enter another person’s attention? Is it even what I said anymore, or are the words now their perception of me? Therefore in turn am I actually judging myself with my thoughtless yammer? I’m starting to wish I thought about all this before I took on the ability to turn thoughts into words. Or maybe its patience I require, the patience to stop and think before I speak rather than grab the audience’s attention with a laughable anecdote?

I yearn to speak before I think. And yes, I thought about that before I said it. I desire the opportunity to sit amongst strangers and have us speak crazily with each other until we have no choice but to reconsider our words. I want their words to ignite a fury of questions within me. I want to share stories over wine and food and get so deep that the only true answers we find are actually more questions. How intriguing.

I want to plant my toes in the ground and grow roots. I imagine my toes lengthening into long green stories embedding themselves in the dirt demanding to intertwine with others. I want my shoulders to burn in the sun, storing the heat and letting it sink into my stomach where it could fuel my radiant growth. I want my head to tilt back, my eye lashes calling the rain to shower me with hope. I want to feel a connection to this place.

I find wine exceptionally inspirational. It opens the parts of my mind that the drugs try to close. It is absolutely wretched having to close off something so real to cope with everyday life. Wine however, seeps into the awareness just enough to feel invigorated and motivated again. Why can’t they give me wine pills instead of crazy pills?

7 Replies to “Mind Wide Shut”

  1. This has really made me think how I appear to people in a social environment when too much wine is involved, I suppose listening is one of the great talents of the art of conversation, but am I good conversationalist do I listen enough or sit there sprouting off anything that comes to mind, wine has been a friend at times but also a monster, I suppose it’s all about balance and moderation

    1. Hi Anonymous, I know exactly what you mean. I can go from lovely social butterfly to that girl that just wouldn’t shut up. My husband also likes to remind me how loud I can get, apparently they can hear me just fine using an inside voice. Who knew?

  2. Hey there, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your blog in Chrome, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has
    some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up!

    Other then that, amazing blog!

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